His children

I haven't written in awhile.. Not because I don't have anything to say.. But quite the opposite.. I feel like I have recently encountered so many trails, so many difficulties that I haven't been able to write because I didn't know how to put it all together.. I'll start off by going back and continuing my story.

We continued to see all five natural doctors and work together on seeing if my body would at least cooperate with natural remedies.. I was doing many cleanses and many different supplements.. Different types of shakes and medicines.. My whole day seemed as if it was simply just a schedule, a full time job of just taking the proper medications at the proper times.. Going to the doctors and then again just drinking medicine again.. My life was on a timer, on a constant alarm.. My seasons, my days, seconds, every single moment was spent trying to keep me going.. Trying to keep me on my feet, trying to have me live somewhat of a normal life and yet.. Nothing was normal about it...

Throughout this time, I had many wonderful doctors.. But a particular one (Dr.Walters) stood out the most. Every time I had an appointment with her, she not only tested me and treated me, but she spoke life and encouragement into my life.. She would pray over me and speak to me about my sickness, my life.. As if God was speaking to me himself.. One particular time.. While testing me she told me "Krestina, I feel like The Lord is telling me that this is going to be such an amazing testimony.. But there is something that you need to receive.. You need to receive healing in your heart, full restoration.. Because from the heart.. Flows all things, just as it is written in his word.." I stopped and I looked at her confused.. What does that even mean? My heart wasn't broken.. I felt like I was perfectly fine, I felt like God has given me so much strength and joy.. Why would I need to pray for restoration and healing of my heart?

I left the appointment, my mind pondering, wondering what exactly was I supposed to take from that?.. That evening I was on my knees having my prayer time and just spending time with The Lord.. When all of a sudden I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me, so loud and clear...(John 14:27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.)my heart needed to be healed from trying to always do everything on my own, from all the emotions that I was trying to hold in, all the strength that I was trying to have, from all the baggage, burdens, hurt, that I was carrying... I needed to heal from the fact, accept that.. Its okay.. That I'm not okay.. How can I try and find healing when I'm not even letting myself face it? I knew that God is healing me, I know he's been giving me joy and strength.. But what about just accepting the reality that I am his child, I'm helpless without him, and it's okay to come to him about it.. I put myself under the impression that I needed to constantly fight, constantly smile and carry on.. But that's not what it's all about. Sometimes, it's about completely giving up and giving in to The Lord, by that, I mean..truly coming to him as his child and crying to him, knowing that throughout everything, he will always carry you..(Isaiah 41:10: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.")

After I heard the Holy Spirit, I felt completely ashamed and just started to come to him, pour it out.. Tell him my true fears and feelings, just confess and own up to the truth of my situation.. No one can help me, no doctor, no naturopath, not even myself, only God.. Because without his guidance.. I truly will not make it, not spiritually, not emotionally, mentally, and especially not physically..

From that moment, things started to change a little more, it was if I was still that positive, smiling person but I also felt a freedom, a weight lifted off, I felt like me breaking down before The Lord and truly realizing my worth to him, his love for me, the fact that I'm HIS child and it's okay to tell him everything that I'm feeling, that I'm struggling with because he created me! He knows everything, even if I try and hide it, even when I keep it in, he knows it all! But sometimes it takes us just to simply ask him and truly come to him for us to get an answer or healing..


Afterwards, I still began seeing all my doctors but it was as if all the constant discouragement and bad news, the constant negativity from all of them didn't affect me anymore.. Even though they kept telling me "there is no healing from this",  "your body may just rot away", "there is no telling how much longer you'll keep going" .. It was true, there was no telling how much I would keep going, but it was God that kept me going, that keeps me going... And sickness is NOT in his will.. So I WILL KEEP GOING, Believing, hoping, fighting.. For Jesus is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator of all things, bearer of all sickness and diseases.. And he bore it all on the cross for us, and that almighty God.. Is also my father. He WILL take care of me.

But of course, the enemy never sleeps.. And spiritually I was renewed but physically.. I was truly started to feel my flesh giving up. Around Christmas of 2013, only 3 months after Mayo Clinic, I started to again decline drastically and started being rushed to the hospital just as often as I did since it first all began.. It started to all become a blur again.. Just like in the movies, the scenes where your rushed to the hospital and all you hear is yelling of Doctors and nurses, flashing lights.. Well I can concur that Cinemark has it completely spot on, because it's just like that. My body was giving out and my doctors were almost completely giving up. They said I have to start looking into different options, different states with clinics, maybe even a different country.. Without hesitation my parents started calling all around looking to hurry up and get me help, a place that could accept me as a patient right away, we looked into India and other places but the waiting list was too long and my parents didn't want to wait, it was too risky. After calling around, a few of our friends kept recommending a clinic in Idaho, Lifetree Wellness center. We were hesitant because we haven't heard much about it but we looked into it anyway.. We saw that they were an all natural clinic and focused on completely cleaning out all the organs and trying to start you fresh, it was a secluded clinic in the mountains and a medical rehab center, it seemed like it would be extremely difficult but it was worth looking into. We called them and explained my situation, the lady said that most of the staff is in Africa helping people there so they don't feel like they would be able to take me as a patient. Discouraged, we hang up.. Realizing that was basically our last option.. Within a few minutes the lady calls me back and says, "we want to make an exception and work with you, we feel that it has been put on our hearts to try and help as much as we can.." It was such a blessing to hear that, so after we got off the phone we got on our computer and bought me a ticket to fly there in two days..

I thought I knew what struggling was.. Until I went there..


I just want everyone to understand your worth... God gave his one and only son for me, for you, for all of us.. He does not desire sickness or pain, fear, worries, or burdens for us.. He desires for us to be set free and set apart from the things of this world and renew our hearts and our minds.. We are his children, and DO NOT DOUBT, he hears your prayers  and everything that you think no one sees or knows.. The Lord knows, and he Will carry you, he will lift you up and out of your situation.. It may not be in our timing but In his and we must remember that The Lord has perfect timing. Do not be discouraged for he is with you.. And this father will take care of you, love you, hold you, carry you.. Even if your earthly father won't... You still always have your Heavenly Father..

Being renewed

After I came home from Mayo clinic, (September 2013) there was this moment where it seemed time was standing still..  As if I was living in some sort of dream, that I couldn't wake up from. The doctors from Mayo told me to follow up with my doctors here at home, just to help me keep going, to prescribe me new medications of whatever I need to help my organs try and keep up. I kept telling myself, there has got to be a way.. There must be a way to get better, how can doctors not have anything, nothing to cure this condition.., but even though I had those thoughts, my spirit knew the answer.. My healing wasn't to come from doctors but from The Lord himself.  After a lot of recommendations, we decided to completely try going all natural, taking supplements, an even more clean strict diet, anything to at least help ease my pain, my inflammation, and my symptoms. The natural doctor, Dr. Harris continued to tell me that I'm a walking miracle but he believes that he can help me, he was so certain and believed so strongly in his program.. By his guidance he was referring me to other natural specialist and we had 5 of them working on me together.  During this time I was still continuing to do other treatments with other doctors, seeing many specialists at one time.My diet continued to be basically nothing but shakes and juices, mashed foods, almost everything blended. For a moment, it seemed I was getting better, that I seemed to be getting on my feet and I seemed to be recovering but then, I fell quicker than before, losing weight even more drastically and continued to get worse physically, my seizures, my bone pain, my vomiting, fainting, pain, everything started increasing... My hospital visits began to increase more and more and so did the fear and worry in my household. The holidays were coming up, and my doctors were telling me I was only getting worse, and I need to look into other options, other clinics for help..


I want to step out of sharing from the past for a moment and share about what has been going on, my trail, my battle that I just recently faced.. A couple weeks ago, It was 2 years from the first day I collapsed, from the moment this all began. A couple days before the date of 2 years, I was absolutely filled with the Holy Spirit, I was unable to sit still for days, all I wanted to do was just be on my knees, pray, I was just shaking from being so filled, I felt my spirit had so much to say.. I was simply crying out to God, begging for healing, for strength, for wisdom. I was even more desperate for more of him, I was wanting to hear from him so desperately, I was in need for some strength to continue on. As I was spending this time with him, as I was crying out for healing.. I heard The Lord speak to me so clearly, asking me " will you still praise me like this, even if I choose not to heal you..?" And in that moment, I paused, almost completely ashamed..and I just said " Lord, you are right, you can heal me, I know you can.. But if you choose not to, I will STILL praise you not just as I praise you today, but even more because I know that you have chosen me to continue ." I felt him testing me in that very moment, are we just completely desperate for him when we need something, some sort of prayer answered, or are we desperate for him daily, (the way we should be) because he is an almighty God, because whatever he chooses to do in our lives, is for his glory. It says in the word, that we are his, that we are his children, our lives belong to him, our lives our in his hands, and he will work it out for our good (Romans 8:28) The Lord deserves our glory and praise NOT because of what he gives us.. But because of WHO HE IS! After The Lord spoke to me, I was almost silent for about 3 days, not really speaking, not really feeling any emotions, just simply silent. (For those of you that now me personally, you know that I am never silent, and if so.. It's only during a movie or a sermon ;) )  but for 3 days, I simply felt as if things were a blur, I took a couple days to just mourn over who I was and just let go. My mourning wasn't out of anger, or even so much of being upset.. It was more of just that I felt the spirit was telling me, it was time to let go.. See, I have been constantly thinking and saying to people "I used to be.. I used to be.." But who I used to be is gone! And that's okay, it's even more than okay... It's wonderful!! Who I used to be was close to God, was a little naive, was weaker.. But who I have become is much closer to God, wiser, and stronger! That's only because of Gods grace! The Bible says ".. since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him" (‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭9-10‬) through this life changing experience, God helped me lay down my old self, and put on my new self who is renewed, transformed by The Lord and that's exciting!!! The thing is, I took a couple days to mourn and let my old self go and become to realize the joy in who I am today, to embrace my current situation, my current condition.. And to fully come to knowledge with the fact that who God makes us, is greater then who we could ever be by ourselves. The situations that we go through in life that make us question God and ask him what is he possibly doing, cause we can't understand... Those are the very things we have to realize he is doing to make us become our better selves.. Because only through hardships, can we have a chance to overcome and grow.


"So now what" you may ask.. Well, now I embrace who I am today, no more looking back. Because who The Lord has made me today, is much better than who I ever could have become without this. I still believe that The Lord will heal me, I stick to the fact that God is almighty, he can do all things , but throughout this time..I take this up with joy in the knowing that God has been helping me mold into a greater person than I once was..  In your life today, he could be doing that very thing, because he doesn't want what you want for yourself.... But instead He wants more for you than you could ever even imagine.


Just remember, our circumstance don't define our God. But our God, can bring us out of any circumstance.

Mayo clinic

After they diagnosed me with one condition, they kept coming across new ones. The stress of the situation is overwhelming, and my family experiences so much confusion and worry. They begin to take turns watching me during the day and night. They realize that they can't leave me alone. It is simply too dangerous. I experience sleepless nights, unrestful days, physical and emotional exhaustion, and the fear of the unknown. Yet, I also experience the peace of knowing God.

With all the unanswered questions, one of my doctors tells me that we need to look into going to Mayo Clinic. He explains to me that Mayo Clinic is one of the best clinics and hospitals in the nation and they would probably be able to figure out and understand why my body is giving out and what it's really fighting. After much thought and discussions, my family decides to go to Mayo Clinic to receive some answers. But even if they don't have the answers we seek, our hope and our peace will still remain in God. My mother and I pack up our bags, get in the car, and begin to drive to Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida. As we are driving there, we are not only excited for this opportunity, but also fearful. There is a huge chance that they will help me, that they will tell me why my body is reacting this way, that they will have or find a cure. There is also the slight chance that they simply may not.

I arrive at Mayo Clinic. The campus is beautiful. There are so many buildings and testing centers. It’s almost like a whole different world: a place of hope, healing, and comfort for the sick. I begin testing. After testing and procedure after procedure, quickly, the idea of this beautiful place becomes a place of pain, stress and discomfort. I’m seeing specialists of all different parts of the body, from the heart, brain, stomach and bones, to the simplest of nerves. Throughout this whole time, I wait. I wait for them to tell me what they've found or if they've found anything at all. Every day, I walk in this path of pain, not only physical but also mental.

After testing and seeing specialists from April to August, I have my final appointment with the main doctor that I have been assigned to. With a billion thoughts running through my head, I slowly walk to the door. As I draw nearer, I realize, I will finally receive answers. Even if it’s bad or the worst news, at least I will now know. As I walk into her office, a mixture of anxiety and excitement runs through my body. The nerves tingle in my stomach. I slowly take a seat and my mother follows. The doctor begins by explaining the reason for the tests. "Krestina, unfortunately, we are dealing with an autoimmune disorder and medically that is an irreversible sickness." The doctor's voice trails off, "There is nothing left for us to do." She tells me that doctors don’t know where it comes from and that this is a difficult situation that can't be reversed. With a look of disappointment, she explains to me that this is my “new” lifestyle. "I'm so sorry," she offers. I sit there, not exactly sure how to react. Out of all the outcomes I had predicted, this was not one of them. My mother and I get up. Slowly, we walk out the door. There is nothing left to discuss.

As we drive home, my mother can’t stop the tears from rolling down her face. I can’t stop the pain that is running through my body, and neither one of us can stop thinking of what to possibly do next. Where do we go from here? What steps do we take next? When will God's healing power come upon me? The thought of living with these symptoms of seizures, vomiting, nausea, dizziness, and much more, feels extremely disappointing. This wouldn’t really be living at all. But even after my appointment, I know that this isn't going to be my lifestyle. Something inside me tells me that this is not the end of the road. I know in my heart that God will heal me. I will keep fighting   fighting my own body, fighting to once again live a normal life, fighting the good fight of faith. I refuse to give up and give in.

Last night was again, another trip to the hospital for me.. After a long evening  I was released and as I was driving home.. I felt so tired of fighting but I just kept thinking to myself.. I will not give up because God will do his work. This morning I remembered that my brother was traveling this week and met a women who's daughter was going through similar things. He spoke to her and saw that it was very painful for her, he asked for her number and told her to be expecting a call from me. As I remembered that this morning, I thought to myself.. I have to call her and pray for them. I called her and we start talking about her 13 year old daughter who is going through a similar situation., she told me they are scared and feel so alone, after talking to her for a long while, I reassured her that everything will be okay, we discussed and I gave her and told her everything that helped me. I prayed for her and their family, it encouraged her and by the end of the conversation she was crying with tears of joy, knowing that there is and always will be hope, with God all things are possible. As I got off the phone, I felt overjoyed and so grateful to God. It's all worth it, that young girl will know, she's not alone and she has hope, that she will live her life the way she has before. Those moments are what continue to show me that my trail has so many blessings through it, those moments are what continue to encourage me also, those moments are what I live for... To see God work . All Glory to God

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Well the doctors were right... after my first time collapsing, It began to happen almost daily. One moment, I'm walking and laughing and the next I'm having trouble breathing, I blackout, and end up in the hospital again. It started to take over my body and in a way, take over my life. No matter what I changed or tried to do differently to make it better.. but it didn't change.

I remember glimpses of trying to yell for help and not having the strength to speak the words. Times where I would just lose consciousness from pain after vomiting or laying in my own vomit and not being able to lift myself up.Tryng to move my hair out of my face and end up with a hand full of hair from it falling out.Coughing and seeing blood on my hands. These moments were constant reminders that I was actually ill, no matter how hard I tried to fight it or ignore it... It was real.
 
I started to see specialists for almost every part of the body, my brain, stomach, heart, bones, etc. we began with a specialist on the brain for my seizures. We did multiple types of testing, after reviewing the tests, he told my mother and I that my seizures are a different form then most. He was explaining that the reason I have them wasn't because I had a seizure disorder but instead because something in my body is triggering it. He was explaining to us how its complicating and I need to be refereed to another specialist. He told me I cannot drive or even be by myself until we find out the cause and I get treated for it. I remember feeling extremely relieved that it wasn't a seizure disorder but at the same time, I was disappointed that I wasn't getting an answer... little did I know that I had many of those discouraging appointments ahead..

He then refereed me to a specialist for my heart, and they scheduled me to do a test that is called the "tilt table" test. I remember it like it was yesterday when I took that test, It was like torture in itself. I reacted to the medication poorly and felt my heart stopping slowly, I felt like I was suffocationg, the pain was surreal and I started scratching at my skin, I started pulling my clothes, trying to signal for help,before everything faded to black, I heard the nurse yelling for help and yelling for a doctor.Then all I remember after that, hours later, being wheel chaired over to the car with tears in my eyes.
 
When the test results came back they told me that I have neurocardiogenic-syncopy, where my heart and my brain don't connect properly, causing my heart to stop and triggering a seizure from my brain. But this was only the first diagnoses of many more to come...they say that neurocardiogenic-syncopy is also an incurable condition but that you can "manage" it, but we've tried almost everything they've recommended and it hasn't changed yet, but I believe it will.

They say these things happen from not being wired properly on the inside and that may be true. But God can heal any and every condition, disease, and every little detail in my body that doctors don't see.It seems discouraging that I kept getting diagnosed with conditions that doctors don't know where they come from or why they happen. But all that matters is that God knows, he knows it all, he sees a much bigger picture and something more beautiful than I can ever imagine. It says in the bible that we were "created in his image" the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, most beautiful creator.. made US, everyone of US in HIS image! My body that may seem "damaged" or "ill" in someones eyes is purely a masterpiece in Gods eyes. He structured me and molded me for my path and for what he has planned for me. We are people of all shapes and sizes, different eye, hair and skin colors. Different struggles, sickness, healthiness, and structures. and yet we all try and compare ourselves to the perfect "healthy body and look" of what the world and magazines say. but those are all lies. Because no matter how you look or how healthy you are... YOU are beautiful, truly a masterpiece, created by the God of the universe. And he, he knows you by name, he knows your every struggle, cry, laugh, whisper, thought. He tells you, you are beautiful, just the way you are. We shouldn't ever compare ourselves to what the world and others say, and the devil uses that so often to put us down. 

The way I look at it, is if you call yourself ugly or put yourself down... not only are you hurting yourself, but your hurting The Lord, because you were created in his image, God took parts of himself and placed it in us. Its beautiful and so are you, so is your future, your path, your story. You and who You are, and who you are going to become..... is truly Beautiful. .... accept it and embrace it.

so no matter how "damaged" or "wired improperly" or how many lies the devil throws in my direction... I'll remember and stand on what the word of God tells me, that I've been made "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14) and I'm going to embrace and accept my current circumstances, not because I accept my sickness, no, instead because I accept the beautiful things God is doing through my sickness.

Back to the beginning

Going back to the beginning...

After being rushed to the hospital again, all I remember was waking up to the doctors and my parents talking in the corner. I saw their gestures, their facial expressions, and simply the frustration that my parents were facing.

When I got the energy to even speak, all I squeezed out was "Mom... Dad..?" And they rushed to me.
They said "everything's going to be okay, we will figure this out, you'll be fine.."
I feel pain all over my body, having a hard time breathing or speaking, and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I smile.. Because even though it didn't seem like it at the moment, I knew that eventually... It would be okay.

After spending the whole night in the hospital, with them taking x-rays, scans, etc. they told my parents that whatever is going on in my body is much deeper than a simple X-ray. They said that we need to see several different specialist for help because the root of the problem is unseen and dangerous.

I remember getting frustrated myself,  thinking, " What does that even mean? If it's dangerous.. How come it's unseen? How come they can't simply give me an answer..? Isn't that what hospitals are for?"  And in that moment I just felt the Holy Spirit tell me, "Trust in The Lord your God and do not lean on your own understanding" and I just stopped and realized that whatever this road will bring... I must trust in The Lord, I must truly give it all to him, I must truly let go and let God fight this battle for me.

When I was well enough to be able to leave, the Doctors told my parents and I, " Don't be surprised if you have to bring her here again, just be ready." My mother nodded and they wheeled me over to the car in a wheelchair and helped me get in. They get into the car as well and just take a moment to take a deep breath. My mother sighs and says "How can we just sit and wait for these doctors to call us.. What are we supposed to do?"  I turn to her and say, "Mom, we will wait on The Lord.." And we smile at each other in agreement.

Today, I want to celebrate Life. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday. When my sickness began, I was 20 years old and later I'll tell you how the doctors told me I wouldn't make it much longer. But here I am, almost two years later and I am alive and living. I may have days where I have seizures, vomiting, pain, fatigue, weakness, aching, fainting, and much more.. But even on those days, I can see, talk, hear, read, smile, laugh, and live. We take so many things for granted, the cars we drive, the roof over our head, our friends, our families, and simply the beautiful things God has given us in this life. The things that make us appreciate the beautiful things in this life are the very things that make us stronger as well.  We wouldn't be able to appreciate the remarkable things God has given us, if we wouldn't experience the bad that comes our way. I want us all to celebrate LIFE, the thing that God has given us, take a moment to appreciate and thank The Lord today, the fact that even through your moments of weakness, you have strength to see, to hear, walk, talk, read, listen, smile, laugh, love, and live. 

Thank God for the life that is YOURS to live, and make the most of it, cause we only have one life to live.

asking and recieving

Today, I'm not going to focus on writing about what physically went on at the time of me in the beginning of my sickness, But more about what went on spiritually.

I remember before every appointment, my family and I would get on our knees and pray. I believe and I've seen it in my life that when we ask the Lord for guidance, direction, strength, wisdom, joy, etc, he makes that true and real but that takes trials, discipline, tribulations, and just simply the opportunity to be molded, if we allow him too.

My whole Christian walk, I've always prayed for God to mold me and shape me. For him to make me more like Christ and in his true image. I know many of us have prayed that prayer before, but do we truly realize what that means when we speak those words out loud? Many times we ask the Lord for these things in our lives, for strength, wisdom, courage, etc. But how do we get those things? Not by just waking up one day and being a new person but by going through the proper training in life to become that person.

We ask "God Give me strength", "God give me patience" so God provides us with opportunities in our lives to grow and receive these things. He puts us in situations where we begin to learn to fully rely on him, to fully trust him and have faith that he is building us up to become more Christ like. Often times, when we are in difficult places in our lives, we ask God "why" but in those moments, we forget that the very situations we are in our lives is going to fulfill the very prayers that we have been asking for. We should not be asking God "Why" but instead God, "What?"  What can I learn from this? What are you trying to teach me? God, "How" How do I overcome this? How can I praise your name in this difficult time? How can I grow from this situation?

 When the storm comes.. understand that God never left you because God never leaves you. But instead, he is allowing this because he simply loves you. He is allowing you to be molded, to be shaped, to grow, and to become the very person you have been praying to be. It says in 1 Peter 5: 10 - But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, he shall make you perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.  and in Deuteronomy 31:8 "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." 

Many people asked me, "Krestina, why are you not angry with God for your sickness?"
My answer is simple, My circumstances do not define my God. My sickness isn't a curse but instead, ironically, it has been and is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I never asked God "Why" I just always knew in my heart, not only would I be healed but I would be changed. This is teaching me faith in the complete unseen, teaching me to trust when there is uncertainty, teaching me to have hope in what seems hopeless and it's teaching me to have strength in my weakness..

God hasn't forsaken me, but instead blessed me. He has blessed me with the opportunity to become a living, breathing testimony for his name, to become closer to who he calls us to be. 
God hasn't forsaken me, God has answered my prayer. 














Picture taken by: Wendy Bobarikin  www.bobarikin.com

Arriving Home

When I arrived at home, I saw everyone waiting impatiently, there was so many questions, what just happened? why did it happen? Am I truly going to be okay? So many questions and yet not a single answer. It seems that this could have been a scary moment for most, but I just felt in my heart, that everything was going to be okay.. I don't know when or how but I know it will be. 

As I laid in my bed, I heard my family trying to decide what approach to take or whether to even take an approach at all.. was it going to happen again? Maybe it was just because I was fasting and my blood sugar was just too low,?.. All of them trying to find a reason or possibility to why I just collapsed, to what had just happened.

 While they were discussing amongst themselves...all I could think of was the dream. It was so vivid, so real, and it was the only thing I could remember from the days before. Everything else was wiped from my memory, but the dream stayed..

 In that moment, I started to just pray to myself. Asking God for strength, wisdom, peace, and joy to help me understand and see him throughout this time, whether it was just this one day or whether it would continue... I just wanted to see him and feel his presence, when I couldn't feel anything else.

The day went on, I still had no strength or energy, But in the pain and chaos.. I had peace. I continued to try to rest and all of a sudden I feel my stomach turning, I feel in my throat that I'm about to vomit. I rush to the bathroom and start vomiting, I couldn't even control it. I was vomiting so much that my stomach started to burn, ache with an unbelievable pain. I look down and I see blood, dripping from my nose and my mouth. I lean against the bathroom wall, trying to wipe my mouth, I begin to try and yell for help and all of a sudden.. my body gives out and I feel something I've never felt before, I feel my body trying to fight but it cant withstand it, I start to shake uncontrollably and end up in a seizure. 

Next thing I know, I see my family all around me, holding me with fear and confusion. Since when do I have seizures? How did this begin? Where is it coming from?  Apparently, there's a lot for us to find out.. 

They rush me to the hospital, I start to shake uncontrollably, and everything fades to black....