Back to the beginning

Going back to the beginning...

After being rushed to the hospital again, all I remember was waking up to the doctors and my parents talking in the corner. I saw their gestures, their facial expressions, and simply the frustration that my parents were facing.

When I got the energy to even speak, all I squeezed out was "Mom... Dad..?" And they rushed to me.
They said "everything's going to be okay, we will figure this out, you'll be fine.."
I feel pain all over my body, having a hard time breathing or speaking, and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I smile.. Because even though it didn't seem like it at the moment, I knew that eventually... It would be okay.

After spending the whole night in the hospital, with them taking x-rays, scans, etc. they told my parents that whatever is going on in my body is much deeper than a simple X-ray. They said that we need to see several different specialist for help because the root of the problem is unseen and dangerous.

I remember getting frustrated myself,  thinking, " What does that even mean? If it's dangerous.. How come it's unseen? How come they can't simply give me an answer..? Isn't that what hospitals are for?"  And in that moment I just felt the Holy Spirit tell me, "Trust in The Lord your God and do not lean on your own understanding" and I just stopped and realized that whatever this road will bring... I must trust in The Lord, I must truly give it all to him, I must truly let go and let God fight this battle for me.

When I was well enough to be able to leave, the Doctors told my parents and I, " Don't be surprised if you have to bring her here again, just be ready." My mother nodded and they wheeled me over to the car in a wheelchair and helped me get in. They get into the car as well and just take a moment to take a deep breath. My mother sighs and says "How can we just sit and wait for these doctors to call us.. What are we supposed to do?"  I turn to her and say, "Mom, we will wait on The Lord.." And we smile at each other in agreement.

Today, I want to celebrate Life. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday. When my sickness began, I was 20 years old and later I'll tell you how the doctors told me I wouldn't make it much longer. But here I am, almost two years later and I am alive and living. I may have days where I have seizures, vomiting, pain, fatigue, weakness, aching, fainting, and much more.. But even on those days, I can see, talk, hear, read, smile, laugh, and live. We take so many things for granted, the cars we drive, the roof over our head, our friends, our families, and simply the beautiful things God has given us in this life. The things that make us appreciate the beautiful things in this life are the very things that make us stronger as well.  We wouldn't be able to appreciate the remarkable things God has given us, if we wouldn't experience the bad that comes our way. I want us all to celebrate LIFE, the thing that God has given us, take a moment to appreciate and thank The Lord today, the fact that even through your moments of weakness, you have strength to see, to hear, walk, talk, read, listen, smile, laugh, love, and live. 

Thank God for the life that is YOURS to live, and make the most of it, cause we only have one life to live.

asking and recieving

Today, I'm not going to focus on writing about what physically went on at the time of me in the beginning of my sickness, But more about what went on spiritually.

I remember before every appointment, my family and I would get on our knees and pray. I believe and I've seen it in my life that when we ask the Lord for guidance, direction, strength, wisdom, joy, etc, he makes that true and real but that takes trials, discipline, tribulations, and just simply the opportunity to be molded, if we allow him too.

My whole Christian walk, I've always prayed for God to mold me and shape me. For him to make me more like Christ and in his true image. I know many of us have prayed that prayer before, but do we truly realize what that means when we speak those words out loud? Many times we ask the Lord for these things in our lives, for strength, wisdom, courage, etc. But how do we get those things? Not by just waking up one day and being a new person but by going through the proper training in life to become that person.

We ask "God Give me strength", "God give me patience" so God provides us with opportunities in our lives to grow and receive these things. He puts us in situations where we begin to learn to fully rely on him, to fully trust him and have faith that he is building us up to become more Christ like. Often times, when we are in difficult places in our lives, we ask God "why" but in those moments, we forget that the very situations we are in our lives is going to fulfill the very prayers that we have been asking for. We should not be asking God "Why" but instead God, "What?"  What can I learn from this? What are you trying to teach me? God, "How" How do I overcome this? How can I praise your name in this difficult time? How can I grow from this situation?

 When the storm comes.. understand that God never left you because God never leaves you. But instead, he is allowing this because he simply loves you. He is allowing you to be molded, to be shaped, to grow, and to become the very person you have been praying to be. It says in 1 Peter 5: 10 - But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, he shall make you perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.  and in Deuteronomy 31:8 "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." 

Many people asked me, "Krestina, why are you not angry with God for your sickness?"
My answer is simple, My circumstances do not define my God. My sickness isn't a curse but instead, ironically, it has been and is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I never asked God "Why" I just always knew in my heart, not only would I be healed but I would be changed. This is teaching me faith in the complete unseen, teaching me to trust when there is uncertainty, teaching me to have hope in what seems hopeless and it's teaching me to have strength in my weakness..

God hasn't forsaken me, but instead blessed me. He has blessed me with the opportunity to become a living, breathing testimony for his name, to become closer to who he calls us to be. 
God hasn't forsaken me, God has answered my prayer. 














Picture taken by: Wendy Bobarikin  www.bobarikin.com

Arriving Home

When I arrived at home, I saw everyone waiting impatiently, there was so many questions, what just happened? why did it happen? Am I truly going to be okay? So many questions and yet not a single answer. It seems that this could have been a scary moment for most, but I just felt in my heart, that everything was going to be okay.. I don't know when or how but I know it will be. 

As I laid in my bed, I heard my family trying to decide what approach to take or whether to even take an approach at all.. was it going to happen again? Maybe it was just because I was fasting and my blood sugar was just too low,?.. All of them trying to find a reason or possibility to why I just collapsed, to what had just happened.

 While they were discussing amongst themselves...all I could think of was the dream. It was so vivid, so real, and it was the only thing I could remember from the days before. Everything else was wiped from my memory, but the dream stayed..

 In that moment, I started to just pray to myself. Asking God for strength, wisdom, peace, and joy to help me understand and see him throughout this time, whether it was just this one day or whether it would continue... I just wanted to see him and feel his presence, when I couldn't feel anything else.

The day went on, I still had no strength or energy, But in the pain and chaos.. I had peace. I continued to try to rest and all of a sudden I feel my stomach turning, I feel in my throat that I'm about to vomit. I rush to the bathroom and start vomiting, I couldn't even control it. I was vomiting so much that my stomach started to burn, ache with an unbelievable pain. I look down and I see blood, dripping from my nose and my mouth. I lean against the bathroom wall, trying to wipe my mouth, I begin to try and yell for help and all of a sudden.. my body gives out and I feel something I've never felt before, I feel my body trying to fight but it cant withstand it, I start to shake uncontrollably and end up in a seizure. 

Next thing I know, I see my family all around me, holding me with fear and confusion. Since when do I have seizures? How did this begin? Where is it coming from?  Apparently, there's a lot for us to find out.. 

They rush me to the hospital, I start to shake uncontrollably, and everything fades to black.... 

Waking up

 After I woke up, the paramedics were trying to rush me to the hospital, but instead, I was so adamant about going home. I was begging them, "just please let me go home, I just want to go home, everything will pass." They were insisting to take me to the emergency room but I was insisting otherwise. They were explaining to me the seriousness of the situation and I understood that, but I still just wanted to go home. With hesitation, they had me call the general of the hospital and give them my verbal consent that I was refusing to go to the hospital to get care. 


Whenever I remember that moment, or even share that with others, it seems "what was I possibly thinking to not go to the hospital!" the risk I could have been taking, the risk I was taking, and yet all that was on my mind was that I needed to just speak and pray with my family.


My mom pulled up to come pick me up, I remember her just jumping out of the car with her face pale and such fear and worry in her eyes. It was as if everything around me just went into slow motion. I heard the paramedics talking to her, all of my coworkers and boss telling her what had happened, how important it is for me to see a doctor, how serious this is, and how dangerous it is for me to simply go home in my condition. It was as if all the voices were echoing and yet at the same time it was a blur.


My mother helps me get into the car and looks at me, she tells me "Krestina, we have to see a doctor, we have to see what caused this, this is important." I look at her and smile, " Mom, its okay. I'm fine, I'm sure it will never happen again, let's just go home..."


Little did I know, that home wasn't going to help.

The Beginning

My story begins with a dream, a dream that has been my Promise. It's one of the many confirmations of Gods healing, but it is also one of the things that has given me strength, peace, and hope to continue to hold on, to keep fighting.

In my dream, I was standing at church and I got on my knees to pray, as I was praying, two angels came up to me. They said "Krestina, because of your relationship with God, the Devil wants to destroy you, he wants to fight for your life; he's going to attack you, but fight through it, your faith is what will heal you.. so continue to have faith child."

I woke up, shot up, my heart pounding. I knew that dream was from the Lord. I got on my knees and I said "Lord, whatever is coming my way, please give me strength and wisdom to endure what is about to happen."

The very next day, all I remember is walking in the hallway at my job, holding onto the walls. As I turned the corner, I looked at my boss, wanting to ask her, beg her for help.. and then I collapsed, not moving, not breathing, and no heartbeat for the very first time. 

Whenever I opened my eyes, the paramedics were surprised. Based on the their tests, they didn't think I would make it, or at best, I would be in a coma. I was so confused, I didn't understand what happened to cause this, I didn't remember anything from that day, or the day before except for one thing and one thing only... the dream. And that's where my journey began..........

Hello World

I've decided to enter the blogging world (as many requested) and it has been on my heart for a while now. Thank you to a few of my friends who encouraged me to take the big step. I want to post updates on how I am doing, this holds me accountable to all those I love. Thank you for your patience as this all comes together!

Stay Joyful,
Krestina