Waking up

 After I woke up, the paramedics were trying to rush me to the hospital, but instead, I was so adamant about going home. I was begging them, "just please let me go home, I just want to go home, everything will pass." They were insisting to take me to the emergency room but I was insisting otherwise. They were explaining to me the seriousness of the situation and I understood that, but I still just wanted to go home. With hesitation, they had me call the general of the hospital and give them my verbal consent that I was refusing to go to the hospital to get care. 


Whenever I remember that moment, or even share that with others, it seems "what was I possibly thinking to not go to the hospital!" the risk I could have been taking, the risk I was taking, and yet all that was on my mind was that I needed to just speak and pray with my family.


My mom pulled up to come pick me up, I remember her just jumping out of the car with her face pale and such fear and worry in her eyes. It was as if everything around me just went into slow motion. I heard the paramedics talking to her, all of my coworkers and boss telling her what had happened, how important it is for me to see a doctor, how serious this is, and how dangerous it is for me to simply go home in my condition. It was as if all the voices were echoing and yet at the same time it was a blur.


My mother helps me get into the car and looks at me, she tells me "Krestina, we have to see a doctor, we have to see what caused this, this is important." I look at her and smile, " Mom, its okay. I'm fine, I'm sure it will never happen again, let's just go home..."


Little did I know, that home wasn't going to help.